And Now Helicopter Kids…cont.
Being a successful helicopter kid takes patience, along with a willingness to pull back and listen. They also should realize that their parents are not the way they used to be and recognize that though kids want parents to be the way they were, the reality is that they will never be that way again.
What that means is that the helicopter kids have to change their expectations and be more tolerant. Mother used to be a meticulous housekeeper but now things pile up. Maybe she doesn’t have the energy or the desire to do it anymore. Especially with a bit of cognitive decline, she can’t cope with the complexities any more.
Kids don’t want to be accused of neglecting their parents but preserving the quality of past life is always difficult.
Sometimes kids jump to conclusions about what their parents want or expect when sometimes all parents want is to vent and complain but don’t want to or can’t help themselves. At that point, the helicopter kids should just sit back and listen and do their best to deal with the new realities.
And somehow accept the fact that those new realities are not going to change — at least until their own kids grow up and no longer need a helicopter parent. www.seniorcareadvice.com
One click and I was a victim.
We intellectually understand that we can all be vulnerable, but who wants to admit it? I’ve been told I should never open an email from someone I don’t know or click on a suspicious link. What looked legitimate to me wasn’t legit and the virus was the death of my laptop. The good news is I purchased a new laptop and life is back to normal.
However, I felt very ashamed.
I’m not discussing computer viruses here per se. I’m talking about being a victim. It’s about those who are most vulnerable and who are fall prey to frauds and scams frequently. Let’s face it, there are people in this world that spend most of their time finding ways to swindle us and many times it works. How can we help our loved-ones?
I recently spoke to Janet Carruthers, CPA, Certified Fraud Examiner and Consultant for Elder Fraud. Janet has firsthand knowledge of the schemes. I asked her, “How do you approach someone to confirm if they have been a victim?”
“When I am working with a family, I try to find out as much as possible in advance so that I can confirm a potential scam with person. Generally, I do not like to have the family member there because if the elderly person is embarrassed, they might not be so forthcoming. I start out by talking about my background working with illicit financing as a Captain in the Army. Most of the elderly have lived through significant wars so it is a talking point.
We discuss how different things are today rather than the way it was in the “old days” when you could trust everyone. I tell them some stories. I try to demonstrate not only my own vulnerability but my other clients. I usually make a statement of, “I hope that hasn’t happened to any of your friends or family or you.”
At this point, I can generally tell if it has. Almost every time, they start out by talking about a friend who was scammed, and I show sympathy. Eventually, it gets to this senior who was scammed…even though 10 minutes before they tell me that they have never been scammed or fallen for a fraudster.
I ask them to please talk to me because the more they help me, the more I can put people in jail. But the less they talk, then more people will be scammed.”
So how do you help?
According to AARP, last year consumers lost $16 Billion to con artists. Most of us have been a victim, but silence doesn’t help. If you have something to share, reach out.
- Your first action should be to call the local police. Work with the older adult to get a police report number.
- You can also file a complaint at the Federal Trade Commission (FTC)- https://www.ftccomplaintassistant.gov/#crnt
- AARP now has a Fraud Watch Network and AARP Fraud Watch Helpline
Watch this video that describes financial abuse and more:
Need help with an older adult? Concerned about their health, housing or money management?